A Gentle Christmas, Without Having All the Answers

The holiday season often brings a quiet pressure to feel better, be better, or have things figured out. Christmas can amplify expectations from family, from others, and from ourselves to appear settled, healed, grateful, or okay.

For many people, this time of year brings the opposite. Old patterns resurface. Loneliness can feel louder. Relationships may feel more complex. Questions that have been sitting quietly throughout the year suddenly feel harder to ignore, especially when there is an unspoken expectation that this should be a time of peace and resolution.

It is also a time when therapy is often misunderstood.

There is a common idea that therapy is about fixing pain, fixing emotions, fixing people. That if you come to therapy, you should leave with answers, clarity, or a clear plan for how to feel different. And when that does not happen quickly, it can feel disappointing or even like failure.

But therapy, at least the way I work, is not about fixing anyone.

It is not about solutions, advice, or becoming a better version of yourself in time for any event, including Christmas. It is not about having all the answers or even finding them straight away.

It is okay not to have the answers. I often say this to clients and it includes me too. Therapy is not a space where I sit with the answers and pass them on. It is a space where we notice together what is present, what is known, and what still feels unclear.

Knowing things, understanding patterns, naming experiences, or stating facts can be helpful, but knowing alone does not heal. Insight does not automatically bring relief. Many people already know why they feel the way they do. What is often missing is the space to process, to feel, and to gently make sense of what that knowledge means emotionally and relationally.

Healing happens in what we do with what we know.

In therapy, we slow things down. We move from strategies and coping towards understanding and integration. From managing symptoms to feeling them safely. From covering things over or wishing them away to allowing them to be met with curiosity, compassion, and care.

Especially around Christmas, people often come into therapy feeling pressure to use the time well, to make progress, feel lighter, or arrive at the new year with clarity. But healing does not follow a seasonal timetable. It does not wrap itself neatly around the holidays.

Sometimes the most meaningful work is simply sitting with what is present without needing to change it.

Therapy is not about me having the answers for you. It is about creating a safe, honest relationship where answers, when they come, can emerge at your own pace. And sometimes the work is learning to live more kindly with the questions.

If this season feels heavy, confusing, or unresolved, there is nothing wrong with you. You do not need to be fixed. You do not need to have it all figured out.

You are allowed to arrive exactly as you are, unanswered questions and all.

If you are reading this, I hope you have a gentle Christmas, even if it is not a merry one.